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My Life Now – Not an Eating Disorder

Introduction:

I am 46 on Sunday, and have UC, pancolitis. I have had tummy issues all my life, hated being thin. Tons of test and was always told it was just to much acid, did all the meds and nothing worked. My family thought it was an eating disorder and would push food. I hated to eat! Two years ago I lost 25 lbs in a few weeks, I cried every time I ate and my family still thought it was an eating disorder. When last fall the pain was so bad I made a Doctor visit the next day.I was told I had colitis and was told not to stop the meds when I felt better. I have IBD with UC/pancolitis.The Meds started and haven’t stopped. The last one was Imuran and it was terrible! I just wonder what kind of hell is next. I really hate how tired I am, I can doze off and on all day and even though I want to do something I can’t. There are times I watch TV and it’s just sad to see what “normal” people do.I fill like I view life through a sliding door I can’t open and soooo want to.

Symptoms:

Poo all the time, tired and sad.

I try really hard to eat well and do what I can but the hard days get you down.

I’m tired…I cry…I pray…I put on a happy face around my kids…I hate this! I let it go at times and say it is was it is and then I freak out. I HATE being paper thin, I HATE leaving the house and all the meds, doctor visits, blood test etc. My Husband is the best! He is the kindest person ever and always tells me how great I look and how much he loves me. He makes jokes about missed toilet issues and doesn’t seem to care, he has even held up his coat on road trips when I had to stop on the side of the road. I see his pain and it’s hard you almost want to hid how bad it is to save those that you love. My parents and kids read up on things and are great as well. I don’t mind colonoscopys because it calms things down for a few days. I even asked my GI Doctor what it was like to talk about poo all day…it’s his living and my life. I really don’t like my Gi Doctor because he tells it like it is at first it was harsh but now I understand…it is harsh and there aren’t any answers. I’m concerned about this never ending!

Unlike most, I want my colon out

so I get my life back and stop the med cycle!

I hate meds and the troubles they cause. I can live without my colon but not my liver. The Doctor told me, “good luck with that”. They tell you to listen to your body and yet they don’t hear you. It’s all a protocol when it comes to insurance and medications. HATE the system!
Where I’d Like to Be in a Year:
More energy and a peace with what I have forever
Colitis Medications:
NONE, Imuran was really bad!

written by Kim

submitted in the Colitis Venting Area